This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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