So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
