She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
