I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
