And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
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I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
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She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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