I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
