This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
