PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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