I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
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