It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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