Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Rumble strips road head = magical
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
