I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
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her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
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