If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
