I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
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You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
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Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life