White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend