rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
