Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
