I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
