I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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