Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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