i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize