i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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