Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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