We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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