Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
