Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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