just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
