im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
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