I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
