dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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