I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
