just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
