Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
