dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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