he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
