I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
