I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
