i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
