You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Randomize
