So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
