Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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