mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
