True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
