my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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