She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
