i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
