Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
