come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I can't put those talents on a resume
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize