i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
