honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize