So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
