In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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