He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
