Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
