I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
