I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
A+ Viking dick
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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