why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
