I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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