Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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