Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
two words...techno handjob
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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