you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
