you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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