what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
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I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
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You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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