oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Will exercising make me less horny?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
